A couple of months ago, Deagan was going through this really hard stage where he was throwing tantrums ALL the time and I felt like we were butting heads 24/7. It got so bad at one point he told me that he hated me, and it broke my heart. Does he really understand what that means? He probably doesn't, but just to hear it from him made me cry.
Things got a little better, but he still really prefers Greg to me, and it is really hard for me. What am I doing wrong here? I was looking online at a few articles and some people made the comment that since the mother tends to be the one who does the housework, cooking, etc that her time if divided between playing with the children keeping up with everything. The dads tend to be the ones who have more time to play with the kids, and the article suggested that because of this children can tend to draw more towards the dad because they are the "fun" parent.
I am not sure where to find a balance with everything. How do I keep up with everything that has to be done in taking care of a house (or apartment in our case) and still give 100% of my attention to my kids? I just don't know how to make this all work, and it really scares me that this situation is only going to get worse once our new baby comes.
How do all you great moms out there balance things?
7 comments:
I've had very similar feelings lately. While Tanner was gone, I was Layla's everything. She would come to me for ALL her needs and somehow, I was enough. I felt that we really bonded during that time, even though it was tough on us. THEN... Tanner comes home. And I absolutely LOVE having him here with us, I wouldn't want it ANY other way, but Layla has all of a sudden decided that Daddy is more fun.
One thing that I've tried to do lately to make sure that she knows I love her and that I want to do fun things with her too, is to think of something special every day to do with JUST her. Today we went, just the two of us, to the store to buy her panties and treats for going potty. She loved that. (potty training went horribly, but that's another story). On a normal day, I'll ask her to help me make something special to eat or I'll let her jump on my bed for a few minutes. I've come to find out that she LOVES playing hide and seek too.
I figure this... she'll grow up knowing that Mom has a lot of responsibilites and takes care of a LOT. I think that if I make it a priority to do at least one special thing with her each day, she'll have enough great memories to out shine or at least balance out the boring/mundane things that we mom's have to do.
I've also come to accept the fact that Layla shows her love in unique ways. AND I believe that she will understand one day just how much I love her and maybe appreciate me? Hopefully. You are such a good Mom. Deagan knows you love him.
Wow that was a lot!
Most likely he does love his daddy a whole whole lot, BUT if he didn't see mommy for a day he would be very sad. Also remember there are fun things that they only do with dad, ie wrestle. As much as I try i can't duplicate dad time. And remember while your job is to keep up with all the household chores, stop some days make a mess and have fun. You're a great Mom don't worry one bit.
I definitely haven't found that balance yet, but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. Hadlee wakes up every morning and cries because Daddy isn't here. I think it is true that the Dad is the "fun" one, because basically, your kids are with you "at work" all day. When Dad comes home, he is done with work/school and has the time to play, (We are still "at work"). I can tell you that even though Hadlee is a Daddy's girl. Garrett is definitely a Mama's boy, so you never know. It's hard, but you will find the balance :) Everything is a stage of life, and the good thing is that those stages are always changing.
Chell, I think it's just because they don't see Dad as often. He's at work all day, so it's exciting to see him. Lucy shows a preference towards Tom, as well. However, when I went back to work, I noticed she did the same thing with me on the days I work.
Bottom line, when a parent is gone, the child will be more excited to see the absent parent. Not fair, but it's the way it is. If you were to go somewhere for a while, I promise, Deagan would have a clear preference towards you when you came back. Just know your son loves you, and in order to give your family the best environment possible, you can't just be the "fun" mom. Things have to get done in order for a household to fun smoothly.
Good luck with this. I try to get my two year old to help me clean up. Sometimes it's hard because it takes longer, but she feels important, and she's with me. It's also the age. They are with you all day long that they just want to be with their dad. Try not to feel that way because he feels the tension that you are feeling. I know it's hard. Sometimes your child needs you more then the work needs to be done. I have to remind myself of that because I don't like a messy house. If you need to get it done, have him help you and get excited about it. Sorry, this is a novel. I hope this helps.
This made me get a little teary. I wish I had advice, just know you are a great mom!
It may not feel like it now, but Deagan preferring Greg will be a blessing in disguise when you have the new baby. That first experience with more than one child is a tough adjustment because no matter what you will never be able to give Deagan 100% of your attention again (except those moments where you find time for one-on-one). That adjustment to a new baby is also easier for the older child if they prefer the other parent for a while. Over the years I have found they go through stages where they prefer one parent over the other, but I know it doesn't make that first "rejection" any easier. And I know you may hear/read it a lot, but that 2 yr old - 4 yr old stages are full of testing the limits to exercise independence - which translates into hard times for the parent at home. Good luck and know that it does get better and easier!
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